09.25.11 Since Then

Since Then, I try To B someone, but I'm stuck home being no one.
Back in '04- knocked the wrong doors.
Asian connections gave me many misdirections.
2Many Miss Anthropes. Don't connect with Hopeless Dicks.
Not many girls were interested in my antics.
Stale Voice like paul banks on Interpol classics.
It was a done deal, I was lonesome for a plastic.
But the Facade fades away after few days
 I try 2 forget all that I'm asking for.
 I Never Drink Until the Pains over,
Only sip to get hangovers
Cause with girls I feel are cool never want to hangover.
Shit Leaves me confused, all crimson and clover.

Then Fast Forward two thousand 11
I'm in SF diggin every indie haina.
They got poisoned honey, courtesy of aunt jemima
Lines Be Bad,
Bad Time To be Had.
Drink Till Suns Up
I am my dad,
The only exception is I'm scared.
I came to this city
With All Flaws The Same,
So I'm unprepared.
Procrastination
Leaves me with Empty pockets,
Self Control lacking
Like I took a laxative to lose control.
Since I live with my mothers my life Is not mine to control.
Bad at taking commands, too lame to troll.

so it is true

i do not love my family, nor do i appreciate anything they do, they are just pawns and people who happen to be in my life who i have dependency upon...they have cultivated a 21 year old leech.

there's nothing im proud of in my life,

even the small and meager skills and countless talented associates i have.

i have no pride...the only pride i have is that i can write endlessly about how depressed i am and how much attention i need, and how much i need people to pretend/claim they love me.

there are a noted few that are the exception that truly appreciate knowing me and such,

but i am the filipino family's burden, the loser, the burnout, the one who held a such promise at a young age, but learned in an instant that if you choose not to do something, someone can do it for you. and if its not for you or needs to be done? it will be.

i feel like i need to go away for a long time, one to lift this mental burden i have given my mother, and two

to appreciate what i have, i just need to run away from everything really.

im going to go on a goddamned mission because i dont care about anyone,

i simple dont care, not i dont give a fuck. i do not care.

it would be a waste of time if i continued to live here in SF.

danny just bring me with you, and i will check my self into homeless place cause essentially i am just a squatter living in a house with people i do not care about.